I Love Me, I Love Me Not

I’ve been guilty of pulling apart a flower in hopes of discovering whether or not the guy I liked was also crushing on me. Can’t say that it was a very accurate process, yet it’s a practice I haven’t outgrown. I’m no longer sacrificing Mother Nature’s creations but I find myself in the same pattern… Allowing rather irrelevant things determine my self-worth…

Petal number one: I wake up to a world of possibilities, feeling like there’s plenty of time to get a lot accomplished. Bonus, coffee is already made. Thanks, Hubs! Today, I’m going to teach my 19-month-old son Gavin the alphabet and start potty training him. I’m going to make tasty but healthy meals, send out a witty letter to a few literary agents, pay the bills, clean the house, and find time to read on the patio. I love life, I love me.

Petal number two: It’s already lunchtime and somehow I still have half a cup of coffee left. To microwave or not to microwave? Gavin picks up the letter A block and proclaims “Aaay!” …Only to pick up the letter S block and do the same thing. I discover training pants are a lot harder to clean up than regular diapers and now there’s a mysterious wet spot on my carpet. Exactly when does urine become unsterile? It feels like such a waste of time to cook for just two people when I’m already behind on my to-do list. Especially when one of us is dancing around demanding  “Ogdog! Ogdog!” (Translation = hotdog). Life is a lot of work and I can’t keep up; I love me not.

Petal number three: I trade out my cold coffee for a cold Dr. Pepper and the world is instantly a delightful place again. Gavin is down for a nap, which gives me time to finally tackle that to-do list. I’m a multi-tasker, this should be easy enough. Within fifteen minutes, I’ll have done the dishes and started laundry and vacuumed. While I eat lunch, I’ll pay the bills and contact those literary agents. And the weather is just gorgeous today – sunny but breezy – so off to the patio to get stuff done! Life if beautiful; I love me.

Petal number four: Apparently, mosquitoes like sunny/breezy weather too as evidenced by my itchy skin. I’m in a habit of drinking entirely too much Dr. Pepper; I should be drinking more water. At what point did I think that paying bills would be uplifting? And why the $%&* should I bother sending out more letters when so far every literary agent has responded the same way? “Dear Ms. Scott, while your novel certainly has merit, unfortunately I’m not the right person to represent you… I hope you continue searching until you find the right match… blah blah blah.” Oh, is that Gavin I hear knocking on his bedroom wall? Awake already?? If I was smart I would have taken a nap with him. But apparently I’m neither smart nor successful. Life sucks; I love me not.

Petal number five: I have the most adorable, smartest kid ever. He crawls into my lap, “Mama, hug.” He loves me, he realllly loves me. I love life; I love me.