the reliable ones
those who are able to lie repeatedly
What sucks is that I seem to have a whole lot more of the latter than the former. I can name several people who are charming and funny and smart, whose company I simply adore. The problem is, I never can count on actually having their company. (Which is kind of ridiculous, because I'm pretty damn charming and funny and smart myself.)
I can't even count the number of times I've made plans to meet someone for lunch or for shopping or for a movie... and then had that someone send a text or call at the last minute to say he/she is not coming because of same random lame-ass excuse (I'm tired... I forgot...I just met the hottest guy ever... my ex just stopped by to talk...). Or WORSE he/she is doesn't even bother to contact me at all!
It's not that I have an issue being alone - I can rock a table of one, no problem. It just blows my mind, because I simply can't fathom doing that to someone. If I make plans to do something with you, I'm going to do everything I can to keep our arrangement. And if for some reason I can't, I'm sure as hell going to give you as much notice as possible... and I'm going to be pretty apologetic about canceling (especially if I'm aware of the trouble you've gone through to get off work or to spend your gas money or arrange for a sitter, etc).
If you have a major event coming up (birthday, graduation, wedding, the birth of your child...) you can generally count on me to be there. For those of you who can't say the same, I'm actually a little jealous of your ability to be so self-centered.
Yeah, that sounds a little harsh, but I mean it. Partially, because it irritates the hell out of me when somebody says he/she is going to do something or be somewhere, when he/she knows from the very beginning it's untrue. But secondly, I've realized something. Yes, part of the reason I'm going to be there for you is because I care about you and support you; it's how I show my love. But it's also not about you at all - it's because of who I am. I'm just the dependable sort. (Sure, I've got a series of flaws, but unreliability ain't one of them.)
Because of realizing this, I've had to change some things. I've literally had to refrain from being "too supportive." I think sometimes my friends don't want me to drive three hours to be at their 4-year-old's birthday party, because it puts pressure on them to do the same... and they know in their heart, it simply isn't going to happen. It doesn't mean they don't care about me; they'd just prefer to keep in touch with me through Facebook.
(If you really really do want me there, just say so!)
For those of you who remember my birthday, don't bail on me at the last minute, who'd never dream of saying you're going to be somewhere and leave me searching for your presence... for those of you who have rescued me from sucky situations at your own inconvenience... god, I love you! I'm so grateful to have you in my life -and shame on me if I've ever made you feel under-appreciated.
You're my <delicious> cake batter; everyone else is just a sprinkle. :)
For those of you who are genuinely hurt or annoyed by this blog, I'm sorry. But if you have the right to be unreliable and still consider yourself my friend, I have the right to bitch about it and still be your friend ;) XOXO