Gavin, You Save Me

Siiiiigh, my baby boy turns three-years-old today. Which, of course, means he's not actually my "baby" boy anymore. He can feed himself, walk and run and play, and entertain himself (and whoever else is nearby), use the potty (thank heavens for that one!) and speak very fluently (no, seriously, VERY fluently). It's been amazing to watch each development, but if I'm honest there's one thing he's done from the very beginning:

He's rescued me. And from what danger, you might ask? Well, without him, I'd have been confined to a life without experiencing the purest kind of love in existence. (And this is where I send out a little shout-out to his daddy for giving me the best gift ever!! xoxo).

So, Gavin darling, I'm borrowing some of Kenny's lyrics and dedicating them to you:

Every now and then I get a little lost
The strings all get tangled
The wires all get crossed
Every now and then I’m right upon the edge
Danglin’ my toes out over the ledge


I just thank God you’re here

When I’m a bullet shot out of a gun
When I’m a firecracker comin’ undone
When I’m a fugitive ready to run
All wild-eyed and crazy
No matter where my reckless soul takes me
Gavin, you save me

I don’t know how you do it
I’m not sure how you know
The perfect thing to say
To save me from myself
You’re the angel that believes in me
Like nobody else


And I thank God you do

When I’m a ship tossed around on the waves
Up on a high wire that’s ready to break
When I’ve had just about all I can take


Gavin, you...

Baby, you save me

Happy birthday! Mommy loves you ~ you're her hero :)

Oh Hoppy Day, Mommy

A couple of mornings ago Gavin (my clearly very intelligent 2-year-old) climbed into my bed and tapped me on the shoulder. I opened my eyes slowly and he grinned.

"Mommy, what's a cow say?" He whispered.When I didn't respond immediately, he answered, "Moooo!"

A moment later he asks, "Momma, what's a dinosaur say?" I yawned. He continued with a "Rawr!!"

Just as I was closing my eyes again he says, "Mommy, what's a bunny say?"


This time I opened my eyes, puzzled. What does a bunny "say"?? 


Without missing a beat he responds, "Oh hoppy day!"

(That's right, he's TWO. Does he even get the joke? I'm not sure... but he sure gets comedic points in my book.)

I've been giggling for days now, every time I replay that moment in my head. There's no way to deny it, one of the most exhilarating days of my existence was when that little boy arrived... and the days have been pretty "hoppy" ever since.

Especially since I've been working at an OB/GYN office, I've noticed pregnancy and  childbirth are the perfect parallel to what motherhood is like. You're going to grow and change, everything that you're used to will be stretched and you won't always like the results.

You'll be exhausted and nauseated at times, but you're only real concern is not about you at all - you want to feel the baby move, hear the racing heartbeat within your belly, see a tiny face on a black and white screen, hear that first irritated cry, see that beautifully misshapen head emerge from your body and put on your chest...

There are always going to be moments of intense pain and fear and panic - when you love someone that deeply, those emotions are unavoidable. But as cliche' as it is, you really do forget those excruciating moments as soon as you know your child is safe. It's a unique relationship and it certainly deserves to be acknowledged.

To all the mommies out there, and especially to my own: Don't forget that you may be the one and only person in your child's life who is capable of loving him/her unconditionally. You may not always be properly acknowledged, but your role is incredibly significant. May the things you've done "right" outweigh any poor decisions and may you receive a love that comes close to matching what you give.

Oh, hoppy Mommies Day, ladies!! 

(**Thank you Ashton, Brianna and Gavin for making my life waaaay more meaningful**)
(Mom, I know I can reveal anything about myself and you'll accept me no matter what - thank you, I love you! Ma Cat, you did what you could with what you had - I know it was never easy. Thanks u xoxo! Annetti, you're a good mother. Thanks for embracing me.)

A Letter to Wisdom

Wisdom: Apprehending true nature through intuitive understanding: Insight.

My Darling Little Boy, Gavin Wisdom Scott,

    When we first decided to use Wisdom as your middle name, I just thought it was cool. I mean all the time you hear of girls named Faith, Joy, Grace or Hope - yet how often do you meet a guy named Truth, Justice or Trust? 

     Over time I've realized that we could not have chosen a more appropriate name for you. Wisdom is about seeing allll the little details but never losing sight of the big picture... comprehending that life and people really are good at the root of it all. Wisdom is about seeing the motivation and not getting sidetracked by the action.

     Gavin, you are the indisputable raw evidence that at least once in my life I got it right. The moment you looked at me with those intensely alert eyes, my heart stopped - yet I didn't feel like I was about to die, to cease existing. I realized there was so much more to my very being, that I had barely begun to live in the first place.

      Over the last two years you have made my heart stop and made it race on a fairly consistent basis. And I don't mind, because you've put this heart of mine to the best possible use - you have taught it to love without condition. Yup, beyond the crazy heart palpitations is a slow and steady pulse that will never desist. You have taught my heart something it simply cannot unlearn. I can never stop loving you.

      I love that you talk too much and repeat EVERYTHING that I say. I love that heartbreakingly adorable little gap between your front teeth. I adore the way you laugh. I'm crazy about your dance moves and your obvious natural music ability. I love how you think smiling means you're supposed to squint your eyes. It makes me grin how you think a hug is not a hug unless you've been patted on the back. I love your big ole head and that floppy hair - those ocean eyes of yours melt my heart.

     I love the way you say "Mommy"... I love YOU.

    Happy 2nd Birthday, Baby Boy!!!

      

No-uh and the Bark

It pretty much sucks when your toddler tells you "No!" (particularly when there are witnesses) but things go to a whole other level when he takes that itty bitty word and puts an extra syllable on it... ya know, something like this:
NO-UUUUUHH! I don't wanna nap!


Gavin, my adorable and normally incredibly sweet 2-year-old, was recently having an "off" day. Maybe we can blame it on cabin fever thanks to the recent freak ice storm in Georgia, but the same scenario played over and over for about a solid 24 hours....

"Mommy, I want a Cheeto please."
Mommy gives in to request. Gavin takes Cheeto happily - THEN, noticing a mild-mannered dog LYING ON THE COUCH a good SIX FEET AWAY, Gavin feels threatened. So threatened in fact that he can't even manage to bring that coveted Cheeto to his lips. Instead he throws his fist into the air and bellows, "NO-UUUUUH dog - MY Cheeto! No-uh!"

This of course gets the dog's attention. So dog stretches, hops off of couch and steps over to sniff the Cheeto. Well, NO-UH, Gavin can't bear the heartache. He gives the Cheeto to the dog, thrusts his body to the ground with a flood of tears - "No-uuuuuuh!"

Well, now the dog is concerned about Gavin's obvious distress. What can a dog do except bark?!
Such a response is not acceptable to my darling toddler, so he gets louder - NOOO-UUUH DOG!!! NOO-UUH!

Eventually he calmed down, until the next round that is. In all fairness, he did mix it up a little bit:

Later, it's a banana in Gavin's hand. He searches throughout the house calling "C'mere kitty cat, c'mere kitty cat." When the cat presents itself, purring and rubbing against his legs, Gavin begins to shriek "NO-UH! My banana, cat. No-uh! Nooooo-uuuuuh!"

Ahhhh, it's all so hilarious now that I'm not trapped in a house with no internet, no phone and too little sleep =)
To sum it up, it was an experience of Biblical proportion... 

WHINE Hangover

Lately I'm sad to say that I'm living in a perpetual hangover. The dull headache, the heavy eyelids, the achy muscles, the sluggishness, the nausea, the edginess that makes you want to snap at anybody and everybody. The thing is, my "hangover" is not from alcohol but it has a whole lot to do with WHINE.

I don't know what is up, but my darling super-intelligent 22-month-old cannot seem to request anything without dragging out every syllable.

"Mooo-mmmm-yyy, Iiii waaaant moooore innn cuuuup pleeeeease."

"I waaaant tooo eeeeeat!"

"Noooooottt sleeeeeepy!" 

And my all-time fave: "Nnnnnn-nnnnn-ndy!!!" (Translation: CANDY) 

He recently learned the word "mine" just to top it off. 

These days he even sings his ABC's with a nasally on-the-verge-of-tears ear-throbbing sound.

Did I mention that everything he says is repeated over and over and over and over again and followed by a continuous whimpering even after I've fulfilled his request? He does mix it up every once in a while by adding a piercing cry or throwing himself on the floor in a sprawled out nobody-cares-about-me fashion. (And here I thought I wouldn't have to deal with that attitude until he's a teenager.)

I have to admit that as much as I loooooove him (and I absolutely do) the continuous wailing is really getting to me. It's like someone is constantly flicking my nerve endings with a guitar pick. No, it's not excruciating pain, but it sure gets annoying after a while. 

I gaze over at him now and he is sitting in the floor playing with miniature cars saying "Vrrroom, vrrooom, *sniffle, sniffle, whimper* vrrooom."

Sigh. Maybe he's in pain with the last of his teeth coming in. Maybe it's just a phase, maybe it's a part of his personality. Who knows, really? (If you DO know, please inform me so I may adjust the situation LOL.) Maybe the universe is trying to teach ME something.

Well, I can say that I've realized this much: Hangovers suck. But that doesn't keep me from drinking alcohol on occasion - because the good effects are worth the risk. (And I've learned how to generally avoid hangovers too hehehe.) 

Likewise, when I chose to be Gavin's mommy, I chose the annoying stuff right along with the good stuff. I'll never regret that choice, no matter how intense the symptoms may get - because being intoxicated with his love is worth every damn one of 'em.

                                                   (Forcing him into a picture with Mommy)

Bitter~Sweet

Halloween = Candy
Candy = Sweet
therefore:
Halloween = Suuh-weet

Absolutely. So what's the bitter part? It's all going by so fast. Seems like just last year I was painting my belly into a jack-o-lantern. Sigh...

Un, Tuuuu, Teeeeeeee!

I hear this phrase approximately 126 times a day: “Un, tuuuuu, teeeeeeee!” (Translation = One, two, three!) That “teeee” part is exceptionally high-pitched.

Gavin likes to say this right before he jumps off of the couch… or the kitchen table…or the bar stool… or whatever location he has managed to climb onto before I reach him. When I’m in bed, his favorite way to rouse me is to quietly climb onto the opposite side of where I’m sleeping and dramatically flop onto my stomach.  Of course, I can’t complain because he always gives me a fair warning – you know, a softly whispered, “Un, tuuu, teeeeee!”

Not that I’m getting any special treatment from him or anything. Because, trust me, if you are a visitor at our place – let’s say you’re cozy on the couch watching television – he’ll happily scurry onto the arm of the couch and lunge toward your head, just to make you feel welcome. Furthermore, in an effort to show off, he might even ascend a few shelves on the bookcase, grab an armful of books and dive dramatically back to the carpet to deliver them. If you’re really lucky, while you’re standing in the middle of the living room playing the Wii he will drag his clothes hamper into the room, climb on it and dive toward you – promptly knocking you on your arse and causing you to ruin any chances of winning the game. Of course he never does any of this without first voicing his slogan of “Un, tuuuu, teeee!”

This activity is not limited to our home only, if you were wondering. Getting from my car and across the parking lot to the library is usually a series of squats, un-tu-teees and leaping. (Hmmm, I really hope you can get that image in your head.) If I’m at your house and place my purse on a counter, he might manage to scale that particular counter – so that he may rummage through the contents and then pass out tampons to everyone.

After a church service, I’m usually given the same report by whoever is managing the class that day. “Gavin is so well-behaved. He is friendly and always shares the toys. (pause) There is one thing… he likes to, um, climb things… uh, not just the play sets we have for that purpose but other things such as the windowsill and the snack table…”

I like to smile and respond, “Isn’t it awesome that he’s learning to count already?”

Yes, my child is engaging in rather dangerous activity and requires intense supervision, but with the attitude he’s got, I’m excited about his future. There’s something to be learned from the lil daredevil. Sometimes you’ve just got to jump in spite of the risk… even better if you can enjoy the thrill.

Everybody now: Un, tuuu, teeeeee... 

But I Really, Reallllly Want It...

Recently I took Gavin to this gorgeous little park area to hear Hubby’s band and I was delighted to have all that space for the kid to run around. But five seconds into it and the little dude has uncovered some cord linked to a nearby light post. What the hell? It’s the same type of thing at home. If I bring out his blocks, books, cars and noisemakers to distract him while I clean, within minutes he’ll be unlocking the dishwasher and pulling out knives to “play with”. How does he have this sixth sense to find the one thing in a room that he’s not supposed to mess with? More so, since he has this sixth sense why doesn’t he use it to stay away from the hazardous things instead of being drawn to them?

The thing is, Mommy still has this habit too. And I’m guessing that when you see a sign that says “please use other door” you still instinctively see if that door will open. Same thing with a “wet paint” or “wet floor” sign. You just have to test it. This is why diets are such a struggle. The moment you tell yourself something is off limits, the craving becomes uncontrollable. Thanks to my metabolism I’ve never been much of a dieter… but let’s just say I have quite the attachment to Dr. Pepper. (I’m averaging only one a day which is incredible. Ok, two, dang it.)

Once I had this crazy unexpected attraction to a guy. A strong attraction. I was convinced that because what I felt was so strong, there was no way it could be one-sided. The two of us were like magnets, irrevocably drawn to one another. Turns out he was the magnet and I was just… a paperclip. One of many paperclips. And some of those other paperclips were much shinier. Ouch.

So now I’m still wondering: I was genuinely surprised by my sudden attraction to this guy, but was my attraction to him genuine? Or did I subconsciously figure out that I could never have him and thus my attraction was born? I really like to think that if the feelings had been mutual, that we would have had an enjoyable relationship, but maybe I would have been turned off the moment he said he liked me too. I guess I’ll never get to know.

Alas, I’ve still learned something. Yes, it is good to want what you have – a grateful heart will take you a long ways. But it’s also natural – and good – to want what you can’t have. Why? Because it’s that hunger that pushes you for a better life… it’s that drive that makes humanity evolve.

Once upon a time, if you were a woman you couldn’t have an education. Well look at me, I’ve got my very own blog – based upon my ability to read and write, and the encouragement I’ve been given my whole life to think and dream.

There are so many diseases and world problems that will not be solved in our lifetime, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t chase those cures and solutions. Because what we learn and do accomplish in our lifetime enables the next generation to go one step further until inevitably the world really is a better/healthier place. Look how far we’ve come, imagine how far we will go. It’s all because we continue to want something that we’re told we can’t have.